


Disney Versus Tucker

by springburn



Series: The Thick of It mini-fics [22]
Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: Children of Characters, F/M, Fun, Gen, Holidays, Humorous Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4476530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springburn/pseuds/springburn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I decided to err more to the humour. There is no doubt in my mind that Malcolm has a dry and innate sense of humour. I'm sure that Sam, bless her, is long suffering on that count......its part of his charm. I also have no doubt that any children of Malc's would be as bright as buttons! <br/>Anyway, hope you like, bit of light fluff and fun. As he starts off grumpy and gradually thaws.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disney Versus Tucker

**Author's Note:**

> This fic prompt was sent to me last week.......by Petersgal......."ok brilliant..so as malcolm is yours and my favourite (well i do love peter as the doctor)i thought of this..malcolm and sam take the kids to disneyworld florida and to malcolms dismay..he loves it..:)bit of fun this time round me thinks.."

DISNEY VERSUS TUCKER.

Malcolm Tucker was being a grump.  
"If you cram this many tourists into this amount of space, it will feel like a fucking 'Small World after all'."  
Sam groaned audibly.  
"For Gods sake, Malc, it's fun.....at least try to enjoy yourself."   
The former Dark Lord of Downing Street was experiencing this unnerving reality, when his wife decided they should take their three young children to Disney World in Florida......a trip he swore he would never take.  
Six hopeful eyes, peering back at him whenever an ad came on TV, and whenever his wife or Jamie or his sister-in-law said how much fun it would be in the sweltering humid heat.

Predictably, he'd caved in.   
A Disney World trip would perpetuate the saccharine commercialism that consumed his children's cultural life anyway. Who was he to deny them?  
When you have young children, he guessed, Disney was nearly unavoidable.  
As the father of a very bright little girl, he had become an expert on the life of princesses, and could write a treatise, if asked, on the relative merits of Frozen versus Tangled.  
Still, for him, a reasonably mentally stable adult, Disney posed a momentous challenge.   
At this present moment in time he was trying his best to remain calm in the face of two, hyperactive and extremely excited boys, and a cloud haired little girl dressed as Elsa, who kept tripping over her princess frock. 

Two things Malcolm hated most........  
Waiting in lines.....  
Crowds........  
It did not bode well! 

"Why did they send us these coloured bracelets, saying we could cut in, and all that crap, it's a complete waste of time? I could die standing in this line......for want of air-conditioning!"  
"Malcolm, we just have to plan it, when to wait in line, when we can fast-track......it's not that hard!"  
"But its physical torture! Standing or sitting in abnormal positions, for prolonged periods, food deprivation and dehydration. It's so fucking hot!"

Admittedly he emerged from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, with a beaming smile on his face, Wee Jamie and Robbie, squealing with delight as they clung to him.   
He guessed, rightly, that when they reached the next merchandising outlet, he'd be conned into buying pirate gear and eye patches!  
Sam said nothing, but smiled inwardly to herself.   
Disney 1. Tucker nil.  
Grace, for some inexplicable reason, wanted Daddy to take her on The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Undersea Adventure, rather than mummy.  
Malcolm gave an expressive eye roll.  
If the staff at DoSAC could see him now, they'd be wetting their pants with glee!   
Her hair damp, plastered curls, as she pressed against his chest, pointing out the wonders, face completely transported by all she saw, turning to him, to earnestly ask,   
"What fish is that Daddy?"  
"That octopus lady is the baddie!"   
He felt a strange constriction in his chest, that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Later......  
"Sam, I'm starving! The kids are losing it! Societal norms are breaking down! People are like packs of ravenous zombies. These cafeterias are places strewn with broken dreams and future divorces!"  
Sam laughed out loud, his eyebrows crooked at her with mock menace.  
"We should have booked in advance. I did tell you."  
"What kind of sap plans their meals a month in advance?"   
Malcolm herded his little family ahead of him like an erstwhile shepherd.   
Burgers, fries and cokes all round......he sat in anticipation of the inevitable carb overload hyper his children would shortly morph into, meaning he'd have to try to prevent them bouncing off the walls.

The Haunted Mansion proved a bridge too far, Jamie was fine, but Robbie clung to Sam's legs, saying he definitely wasn't scared, the whole way through and Grace screamed the place down, because she said a cobweb tickled her.......or something! Fuck knows, they just had to get out as quickly as possible.   
Time for ice cream.....defuse the situation. 

Next was the Animal Kingdom.   
As they passed the Elephant enclosure Malcolm noticed the largest bull elephant was displaying, what can only be described as the biggest erection he'd ever seen.   
He glanced at Sam........who couldn't look her husband in the eye.  
Suddenly a noticeably British.....slightly Scottish piping voice said  
"Look Daddy, that elephant's got five legs!"   
Malcolm snorted.   
Neither parent was in any fit state to comment. 

The big success of the day was Thunder Mountain. Sam waited with Grace, as she was too small for the ride. Malcolm took the boys.   
One held firm under each arm as they hurtled round, shrieking with the thrill and the speed and the sudden turns.........and that was Malcolm, not the boys.   
When they returned, Sam could not believe her husband's face.   
Flushed and excited, walking towards her, swinging arms with Jamie and Robbie, lifting them both off the ground with each swing......both boys giggling with joy.  
"Was that good?" She said, smiling at her man.  
"Fucking brilliant!" He whispered, so the kids didn't catch the curse.   
"We're going on that again.......aren't we boys?" He cried.  
"Yay!!" They capered about, holding his shirt, pulling on him.   
Sam grinned indulgently.   
"Three big kids!" She said.   
Disney 2. Tucker nil.

Last stop, the water park.   
Let's put this into perspective.   
Malcolm Tucker was not a bronzed Adonis. That's an understatement.   
Blue Scottish skin.   
Not built for high humidity, powerful sun.   
The kids had nylon all over wet suits. They all loved the water.   
It was not Malcolm's natural habitat.   
He was nothing if not valiant, however.   
Bermuda style swim shorts. Smothered liberally in Factor Bandage sun block.   
Sam watched him fondly.   
Whip thin. Honestly, there was nothing of him.   
He put men half his age to shame with his physique.   
He was beautiful, Sam mused.   
There he was, splashing, being splashed, mock horror as he was ducked, and surfaced, like a salmon.....one that was cooked......a bit pink, but unbowed.   
She handed him a towel, as together, they dried and dressed their errant offspring.   
"That was bloody good fun!"   
Disney 3. Tucker nil.   
All three kids were knackered. Grace asleep on his shoulder. Robbie in the buggy. Wee Jamie dead on his feet.   
What a day.   
They stayed for the fireworks, although the younger two slept right through them.   
They headed back to the hotel.   
Malcolm leaned in and kissed his wife.   
"Hmmm! Love you Mrs T."  
"Good day?"   
"Fucking amazing. All I need now is an ice cold beer!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like what I did with it @petersgal ! Just a bit of fun!


End file.
